Paying a Visit

Many of my friends are spending good portions of their time paying visits to family members and other folks they love who are not able to be out and about.  Sometimes it's for a short-term reason, such as a day or two post surgery in the hospital or back home, and at other times it's for the long haul.

Visits are pretty easy to do when the person can talk and share with you, but they can be challenging when the person has a hard time staying awake or has cognitive loss.  You feel that the person is aware of your presence and loves to hear your voice, but you're not sure what else they are receiving from your time together.

Why visit a person who is laid-up in bed or has to stick close to home all day, every day?  Well, to show that you care.  How do we show that we care beyond just showing up?  We interact with the person.  How do you interact when there is little to no indication that you're getting through?  You make an effort to communicate, in a way that they can receive it.

Electronics don't cut it when the person we're visiting has their eyes closed and might not be able to follow all the dialogue and music in a TV show or movie.  If they do have good vision, they may not be able to clearly see the photos or videos we proudly show them on our smart phones.  Our lives are immersed in digital communication and we're used to sharing our thoughts, ideas and activities via e-mail, photos and videos.  What if our loved one doesn't seem to be as excited about our favorite media as we are?

When my kids were little we spent enough time in the pediatrician's office to drive me to create a take-along kit for all the waiting we spent there.  Those classic Highlights magazines were well worn and full of hungry germs, no doubt.  I packed scrap paper for drawing, n'little tracing books, a few crayons and some beloved books for reading.  Other moms were glad to be stuck in the sick area with us because their kids listened in on the reading and gladly accepted crayons and paper to color away.
I imagine there's no longer any need for my humble kit because children are so accustomed to eye-catching digital entertainment to keep them mesmerized and quiet?

But, "old school" ideas may work for folks who grew up using them.  Scrapbooks, address books, photo albums--all these 3-D items are familiar to someone who is now 50+.  Even if the person may not be able to see the item very well it gives me, the visitor, an opening for talking about important people and events in their lives.  Not only for talking together, but also for those times when it's just me talking.

A photo album or scrapbook might lead a visitor to ask:
"Ema looks so young in her wedding picture; was she even 20 years old then?"
"You really made those crazy costumes to wear at the dance club party?"
"Did Max and Ema really sail to Hawaii for their 50th anniversary?  I didn't think she liked to travel at all."

Even an address book has potential for discussion:
"It says that the Poehl's lived pretty close to you on Golf Road; is that the place where you went swimming in the pond?"
"What does it mean when the phone number is VA7-3039?"

We can also find YouTube videos of favorite songs and have them cued to play on a device when we visit.  Just make sure that the version you pick of "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" is the classic, not Bruno's cover.

Long-term visiting can be a project that requires ongoing planning.  What are your tips?

You can always sing...