The Scent of Christmas

This is a meandering, difficult piece to write and I feel sure that I'm going to offend my friends who are missing loved ones this Christmas season.  But, there are many ways to examine sad and happy events in our lives and, hopefully, my thoughts might make the sad times better for someone.  Because, there is hope.

Quite a while back I began using the phrase, "Good for you!" when hearing someone's news about a change in their lives.  It wasn't what I reflexively wanted to say, but I practiced and practiced and finally learned to say it automatically in response to learning that a favorite teacher had decided to change schools or go into computer engineering or some other shift in their life course that would take them away from the school where I got to see and appreciate them on a regular basis.  When friends moved away because of a decision to return to college or a promotion I said, "Good for you!"  Inside I wanted to fuss, "Why are you going away?  I won't get to see you much anymore..." but I only allowed myself to say that I'd miss them.  I was used to encouraging my offspring to leave the nest, but my friends--people the same age as me--why couldn't they stick around so I could enjoy them forever?  Self-actualization is a fine idea, until it interferes with me keeping friends within easy reach.

When my friend Shirley died within months of a cancer diagnosis a few years ago, I was shattered for a long time.  We had been workmates and friends since the 80's and true blue to each other despite periods of not getting together face to face.  We got to work together a few years before she retired and it was a joy to see her at staff meetings, whether she spoke up or not.  I could feel her love of the Lord from across the room and knew she was listening to every remark and noticing everything that happened through her spiritual eyes.  Having her there was such encouragement to me.

The first Sunday after she died I was singing hymns in church and suddenly thought about Shirley singing in Heaven at the same time as me here on earth.  The tears that poured out then weren't because I missed her, but because I was so happy for her.  She wasn't just free of pain, she was experiencing God's glory and seeing, feeling, hearing, touching, smelling her new life in a way I will never fully imagine in this life.  She now had full access to--everything.  She could look at God's face without being blinded by His glory.  She could thank Jesus personally for taking her place on the cross.  She could see, in "real time," the power of the Holy Spirit who had guided her heart through all of her decisions in life.  I wanted to shout out, "Good for you, Shirley, you got there first!"

When the tears come in remembrance of family and friends who are no longer here on earth, it usually happens during a worship time or an unexpected association that brings on a memory.  I'm so happy that my mom didn't have to experience a loss of independence and that her knowledge of the Lord is perfect now. Holiday celebrations, except for my brother's angel food birthday cake with whipped cream and fresh strawberries, do not require an historically-accurate menu to be a success.  Roasted Brussels sprouts, curry quinoa and store-bought pies suit me just fine.

Looking good, Mom!

At holidays and birthdays I don't miss her cooking--the complicated dishes and sugar-laden cookies and cakes.  I can summon up the scent and taste of her beef rouladen and kaffee kuchen at the drop of a hat.

If you are more sentimental than me and having quite a bit of sadness and feelings of emptiness at not having your mom, dad, best friend here this year, I'm truly sorry.  Grief is not to be pushed aside because it will always rush back and oftentimes bring Doubt, Fear and other debilitating feelings in tow.

I hope that alongside your grief you'll feel a glimmer of joy because of what the person is now experiencing, because they are in awe of God's presence.  For them everything is brand new, and perfect.  If your loved one claimed that they didn't care about God, like my dad always asserted, remember that the Lord is the One who opens our hearts to Him. Who knows what He will do in those final moments before life ends and a person is face-to-face with Him?  There is always hope.

And if I get there before you, shout out a little cheer, "Good for you, Karen!"